Peter's story: If my mental health's bad, I’m affecting everybody

I started to support Movember as my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. This experience made me realize the importance of spreading awareness about men's health. Thankfully he was treated successfully and is now doing well.

Losing my friend

The other reason I support Movember is due to the mental health aspect. Shortly after I graduated from college, one of my friends died by suicide, which was very hard.

He was living abroad and he came to visit me. We had a great time together. A few weeks later, I got a phone call from a friend breaking the news. Everything from the outside seemed to be working out very well for him in life, so we just couldn’t believe it. He had just finished college and was working in the industry he wanted to work in. He had his own flat.

It turned out he had spoken to a few strangers about his situation and that he was in a negative headspace, but we had no idea. The reality is men don’t talk about their issues. They just sort of go into themselves. I think it’s so important to reach out if you’re having a hard time, even though it’s probably the last thing you want to do.

Effecting everyone, not just me

Growing up, I was someone who was always anxious and nervous. Throughout my life, I’ve had good and bad periods of mental health.

A couple of years ago, when I had a particularly bad period of stress and depression I was very difficult to be around.

If my mental health is bad, I’m affecting everybody in the house, not just myself. It affected the relationship with my wife and it affected my children. Frankly they were frightened of me because I could be quite volatile. I knew the importance of getting help at that stage.

What's helped me

What’s helped me through the bad periods is reaching out to my GP. I’ve engaged with my employee assistance programme in work as well. I also have a few friends that I would usually reach out to when times are hard. If someone is feeling down it’s so important to remember that things will get better and there are so many amazing things to look forward to in life.

I think a sense of community can also be really important for good mental health. I had an interesting job a few years ago where I had to promote sport and physical activity. It brought me to a connection with the Men’s sheds. It was amazing to witness the teamwork and sense of community in the groups I would encounter. The men would get together and rebuild something like a carriage or a boat.

I think when men get together like that it can encourage them to communicate and open up to each other more. The Men's sheds are an amazing resource and although they tend to attract an older age group, they are open to all ages.

There's more to be done

There is so much that could be done in terms of service design and to make these supports more accessible for men. We also need to be creative and look outside the box a bit and think about how we can have something like the Men’s sheds that appeals to the male identity, but has an undertone of support and community.