Jens' story: Loving yourself no matter what

I used to love concerts and being in the middle of the crowd. I was the attention seeking guy in the middle of it all. But everything changed one day when I was at a birthday party. All of a sudden everything came to a standstill. I felt like I was dying. I had to be taken to hospital by ambulance.

My diagnosis

I had multiple health tests to rule out different health conditions. All of the tests were normal so I was told I had an anxiety disorder. I realized it was actually a panic attack I had at the party. I recall sitting at my parents house afterwards and my Dad saying “well what are we going to do now?”. He didn’t know how to deal with it at all. He didn’t have the education and knowledge at the time. Thankfully my Father is now ok with it, but it was very hard that he thought I was a lesser person initially.

Avoiding the triggers

I was working at a shop at the time and I couldn’t even be around the beeping noise of the checkout as it was too triggering for me. I had to leave the job. I wasn’t able to socialize with people at all, because I was trying so hard to avoid triggers. But through going to therapy over the next few years things began to improve.

Finding the right person

When my daughter was born in 2014, I had a relapse and it came back full force. I started counselling again in Ireland, which initially was very hard as it took a long time to be seen by the right professionals. I know that counselling is not the silver bullet, but it definitely helps things.

Get your community

In Germany there are a lot of community groups that exist and you can meet a lot of people in the same position as you. In Ireland, I think a lot more could be done in this regard, but if you can find some form of community it can make things less isolating.

Change the attitude

I would say to people, speak up and look for help if you are having a hard time. You feel that you can't speak up but there will be people who know how to deal with it and who will listen. Not everybody will know how to deal with it. Many people will say “man up” and "just get over it", but they are the reason we need to speak up. We need to change these damaging societal attitudes about men’s mental health.

Don’t stop because one person told you "you’re grand". Don’t give up until you find the person who will find what’s wrong with you and support you.

Love yourself

Being able to speak up for yourself and look after yourself is to do with loving yourself no matter what. We try to prove to somebody else that we’re worthy, but we don’t believe ourselves that we’re worthy.

This journey of self love is always ongoing. You have to be mindful of your triggers. For example, I lost my job at one point and it was really difficult to love myself through that.

When you stop loving yourself, what happens? Your behaviour changes and you start snapping at people. You become less patient and you find it hard to be kind. You find it hard to look after yourself well. Your behaviour begins to affect everybody around you negatively. Not just yourself. So it’s important to be aware of these things.

Don't judge

When I gained weight after I started medication I had to go on, it was very difficult for me to accept. But in time I began to love myself through it. With that you gain a new level of empathy towards other people too. You never know what somebody is going through behind closed doors so it’s important not to be judgemental.

We need more support

In Germany, healthcare is free. In Ireland healthcare is not cheap. Many people choose to spend their money on things other than their mental and physical health. You shouldn’t have to make a call if you buy your child something or if you go to the doctor. That’s why I think in Ireland especially, people find it so difficult to seek help. They either can’t afford it or they can’t afford to take unpaid sick days. More needs to be done by the government in order to build a more supportive system for physical and mental health.

Focus on the good

Despite the challenges, I try to be mindful of the good things in life and have gratitude for what I have. Nobody can say their life is perfect, there’s always things that could be better. But if we focus on the good things, we can view life in a more positive light.”