Why me?

On April 19th 2019, I was ‘diagnosed’ as being severely depressed and extremely anxious. The reason I put diagnosed in inverted commas is to highlight that while that date marks the day that I worked up the courage to speak up, it doesn’t mark the beginning of my struggles as many people who feel the same know.

Growing up, I always felt different I always felt like I had a higher purpose, as if I was destined for great things. To a younger me, that meant becoming a professional soccer player and settling for nothing else, something which ultimately left me feeling like a failure.

Despite being renowned for being the funny guy in a group, a mask many sufferers wear, I would overthink simple exchanges and scenarios to the point of exhaustion, telling myself I didn’t belong as well as crying on my own and pushing away the people closest to me sometimes without knowing why.

Flash forward to right now, I couldn’t have been more wrong. My life revolves around family, friends, gym, music, running, sports & tattoos.

Why these you ask? Simple, I finally figured out what makes me happy along with how & where I can best express myself.

And so can YOU!

My Turning Point:
October 31st, 2019, 23:50, hotel room, Dublin. Halfway through my weeks holiday. I came across a link advertising Movember. Intrigued, I clicked in. As I read more and more, it struck a chord close to my heart given my first-hand experience of battling my mental health issues. I thought to myself “I’d love to do this” but immediately brushed it off out of the fear of putting myself out there.

Time ticked closer to midnight and the start of Movember.

The mental debate ebbed and flowed. Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, 2 of an infinite list of worries, I found myself sweating profusely. I finally came to a halt and decided “Something has to change” and I went for it.

Not only did I go for it, I decided to commit to running 60k for the 60 people we lose to suicide every hour.

What happened next will warm my heart forever.

The support, both emotionally & financially genuinely leaves me speechless to this day. I set out with a personal target of €100 and said if I didn’t reach it, I would back it myself to reach that mark. The final sum raised was €1,100 and
I have no shame in saying this reduced me to joyous tears on numerous occasions.

The total distance ran was 60.46km. I can whole-heartedly say this distance would not have been possible without the messages of support & in-person motivation received by everyone.

And just like that, I had finally found it…PURPOSE.

I always knew it would be based around helping people, but I just wasn’t sure how.

These days, I ‘run with my problems’ as I call it. Not ‘away from’, ‘WITH’!

Whenever my chest is tight & I’m feeling agitated or uneasy, I go for a run. Ironically, on the run, I don’t even think about my problems but once I finish my run, I find that they have either worked themselves out or I’m ready to approach them in a more positive refreshed manner.

I’m truly honoured to run the 2020 NYC Marathon on Team Movember as I have never believed in or felt like I belong in something as much as I do with Movember.

If you’re reading this, I’m running as your voice! Whilst you may not quite be there yet in terms of speaking up, I’m running to show you that if a guy battling anxiety, depression, weight fluctuation & asthma his whole life can turn it around and burst through that dark cloud, so can YOU!

Anyone, and I mean ANYONE in the world, can contact me morning, noon or night & I will listen. This is not an individual mission. It’s a team effort. Nobody gets left behind.

I see YOU!