Richie’s story: why the push for better paternity leave is worth it
Former footballer, therapist and Movember ambassador, Richie Sadlier, shares with us his fatherhood journey and makes the case for better paternity leave in Ireland...
You can read the books, listen to the podcasts, grill your friends for advice. You can comb the internet endlessly for the information you think you'll need. But it's only when you carry your firstborn through your front door for the first time do you realise life has changed forever.
I became a father for the first time three years ago. I felt more important and less significant than ever before, somehow experiencing both at the same time. Our focus was on Sam, our newborn son; my focus was on him and my wife, Fiona.
The financial reality facing new fathers
I'm self-employed so I didn't need anyone's permission to stay at home. But what I was able to do isn't an option for many new fathers. For fathers in Ireland, opting to be present for those impossible-to-put-into-words first few weeks is a financial calculation. Life is expensive, time is precious. But for many men, €299 a week in statutory payments is simply not going to cut it.
Ireland is fifth-from-bottom of the EU table when it comes to support for new fathers. Fathers here receive the equivalent of only 2.8 weeks of full-time pay. That's less than a third of the EU average and only 15% of the support provided by leading countries like Slovakia, Luxembourg and Spain.
What you hear in the therapy room
For many of my therapy clients, taking leave was not only not an option, but a perceived slight on their value as fathers, on them as men. You hear the unvarnished truth in therapy rooms. The yearning for connection and attachment. The vulnerability of not being enough. The dread of thinking 'what if things don't work out?'.
New fathers aren't short of things that keep them awake at night. But where possible, surely, we should be supported rather than obstructed from playing our part.
A certainty I had to feel for myself
I'd previously heard other fathers speak of a certainty of purpose, a clarity, a meaning previously absent from their lives. I wasn't convinced when I first heard men speaking like that. But when Sam arrived, I understood exactly what they were talking about. Adapting to his and Fiona's needs was a day-to-day endeavour. I wasn't sure what I was doing but I knew my place.
Every father deserves this option
Sam was 50-hours old when we brought him home. I knew I didn't want to leave. There were things Fiona needed from me, things I could do for Sam, but above all were the benefits I was getting from just being in that house. I had to experience it for myself to fully appreciate it.
We had a daughter a year ago. Knowing what I knew, I was even more determined to take as much leave as I could possibly afford. Undistracted focus on his newborn baby is one of the greatest feelings and most basic entitlements any father can have. Pricing fathers out of fully experiencing fatherhood just doesn't make sense - for men, families, communities or workplaces.
Movember action
The case for change is clear. Extra time with your kids starts with better support for dads.
So whether you're a policy maker, a new parent, a healthcare professional, or someone who simply believes Irish fathers deserve better, this report is for you.
‘Extra Time with Dad’ report
Read it. Share it. Back the call.